Once you and your child are ready to start sleep coaching, knowing how sleep is learned will help you achieve success and get the much needed sleep
for you and your lil one.
When you are ready to
begin teaching your lil one the skill of independent sleep - start at bedtime
(the easiest time for your lil one to learn the new skill). 6-8 months is a great age to begin sleep coaching, if you haven't already taught your child to fall asleep independently. If your child is older, don't worry it's never too late to work on this life long skill.
Independent sleeping skills are learned in stages:
The phase sleeping through the night is very misleading … everyone wakes in the middle of the night. We all pass through sleep cycles during the night - we switch from REM to non-REM and the change in our brain activity wakes us up a little bit. These are called partial arousals. We also have complete arousals, which wake you up a bit more and they occur about 3-4 hrs. during the night.
What I frequently see parents do is confuse the partial arousal (or brain wake up) with a hunger
wake up. If your child is over 6 months of age, she may not have been
hungry at all. Most children will be happy to have a lil warm milk and a bit of snuggle in the middle of the night. But you have reinforced the waking.
Bedtime is the easiest time to learn independent sleep!
I have many parents tell me ‘we tried that awake thing
at a nap once and it didn’t work’ or ‘I tried that in the middle of the
night’. These parents
all started at the most difficult time to teach this important skill.
Independent sleeping skills are learned in stages:
- stage 1- bedtime
- stage 2 - middle of the night
- stage 3 - early morning
- stage 4 - nap time/day sleep.
Having a relaxing and consistent bedtime routine that you do
every night before
bed will help cue the brain and your child that sleep is
coming. Your routine could be bath, lotion, massage, pajamas, pre-bedtime feed (if age appropriate), brush teeth, followed by reading a book or a song. Then lights out and put your child into their
bed relaxed but awake. If needed, write your routine down and share it with all who care for your child. For an older child a chart with pictures can be helpful and will involve them in the process which will help make them more willing to participate.
Bedtime and middle of the night, 2 different skills!
Learning to go to sleep at bedtime without a sleep crutch (any service that you provide to or for your child) is one skill. Learning to go back to sleep after a partial arousal (see below) during the middle of the night is another skill.
I have parents tell me ‘he can fall asleep at
bedtime independently, that is not the problem, he just won’t stay sleep and wakes up every 2 hours’. I come across many children who can fall
asleep independently at bedtime but still require assistance to get back to sleep during the night. The reason is, they have not mastered the next stage in sleep learning.
Once your child can put herself to sleep at bedtime from an awake state, you may see their night waking decrease - but it is not likely that all of the night wakings will go
away unless you remove the assistance or service you give them during the night.
Ask your child's pediatrician how many hours your child can go without a feed at night. If they do need to eat in the night, factor in that feeding. Then for all other waking’s use your sleep coaching method to help your child learn to go back to sleep at each night time waking.
Ask your child's pediatrician how many hours your child can go without a feed at night. If they do need to eat in the night, factor in that feeding. Then for all other waking’s use your sleep coaching method to help your child learn to go back to sleep at each night time waking.
No one sleeps through the night!
The phase sleeping through the night is very misleading … everyone wakes in the middle of the night. We all pass through sleep cycles during the night - we switch from REM to non-REM and the change in our brain activity wakes us up a little bit. These are called partial arousals. We also have complete arousals, which wake you up a bit more and they occur about 3-4 hrs. during the night.
If your lil one was rocked, nursed, bottled, or held to
sleep at bedtime then they will need you to come back and help them again at
each arousal.
Don't rush in at the first peep, give your child a chance
to get back to sleep on her own. Especially now that you now know they
are really just shifting sleep cycles.
Often they are not completely awake.
It is common for children to
wake, cry out then go quiet or babble or moan until they drift back to
sleep. If you rush in you are
interfering with the child’s ability to learn how to put herself back to sleep
after an arousal.
If you take this knowledge of how independent sleep is learned in stages, you will be much better equipped to help your child learn to sleep through the night and get the quality sleep you both need!
I wish you and your family sweet dreams!
Written by: Michelle S. Donaghy
I wish you and your family sweet dreams!
Written by: Michelle S. Donaghy
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